It's about her, not you bro :)

Marriage isn't for you 

Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me. Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading. I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad. Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget. My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family. My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.

But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.

I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.

PS : I found this post on internet, and I found it interesting, that's why it's here, hope this will help you to have a new perspective of loving someone :)

http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/

Komitmen atau Perasaan

Wah wah..

Ini topik yang sensitif.. Super sensitif.. hahaha

Suatu saat saya pernah tanyakan dengan kakak saya, yang kebetulan pada waktu itu mau menikah, iseng denganya saya tanya "mas, nek wis arep nikah ngono si lewih mentingke perasaan opo komitmen?" (Kalau mau nikah lebih mementingkan perasaan atau komitmen?) pertanyaan yang tiba2 saya lontarkan begitu saja kepadanya..

bagi yang sudah pernah pacaran pasti tau rasanya, saya bilang 'rasa' dengan tanda petik miring bold dan garisbawah, hehe , kalau masi muda muda /alay /lebay, semuanya serba berlebihan dan meluap luap.. rasa berbunga-bunga, sesak di dada, rasa pengen ketemu, rasa pengen ini itu ini itu ini itu sudah ga bisa ditahan.. hahaha #eaaa dan setelah saya flashback sepertinya semuanya akan merasa seperti itu, persisss.. haha yang saya bingung adalah bagaimana mempertahankan kalau misal sudah menikah itu lo, kan bisa dibilang menikah itu 1 untuk selamanya,, ya ga?

>> dan sebagai orang awam yang bingungnya lagi adalah, di jaman dulu itu katanya sering lo pasangan benar2 baru ketemu waktu hari nikahnya, dan langgeng sampai mautpun menjemput,.. #tepok dewa, keren!#

Seperti kata raditya dika di salah satu Stand up Comedy nya : "Jaman orang2 Indonesia itu ada 4 yaitu Anak2 - Remaja - 4laAaaYyyy - Dewasa" hahaha, that's right, kaya kaya hampir kita semua melewati itu, kecuali orang orang yang determined, yang mungkin ga pernah mikirin masalah ini sama sekali karena punya passion tidak memikirkan masalah ini #hallah

satu fase 'alay' yang bisa dibilang lebih halusnya cinta yang lagi berbunga bunga itu (PERASAAN) , di salah satu buku berjudul "Cinta Tidak harus Mati" yang saya baca mengatakan kalau itu adalah suatu reaksi kimia di tubuh kita, namun itu hanya sesaat, di dalam kehidupan cinta itu akan ada masa berbunga bunga saat samuanya cocok, sering orang bilang "Everything feels right" lalu juga akan ada masa kejenuhan, dimana semuanya sudah tidak cocok (biasanya kalau sedang marahan) tapi pada saat itulah yang sebenarnya suatu hubungan itu diuji melalui komitmennya (KOMITMEN) , dan setelah banyak melalui masaa masa itulah suatu hubungan menjadi lengkap dan lebih meaningful karena takaran cinta itu sudah pas (tidak berlebihan tapi juga tidak kekurangan),..

wah wah.. seru juga , tapi ini batu teori, kita buktikan nanti.. haha tapi sebagai orang yang sudah beranjak keluar dari masa masa alay patut lah ngomongin masalah ini sejenak, karena pasti kita akan sampai di jenjang itu,.. Jadi komitmen atau perasaan? cenderung mana?

menurut saya perasaan itu penting, dan bisa berkembang seiring kebiasaan, kalau orang jawa bilang "witing tresna soko kulina", komitmen juga penting, kalau gada komitmen jamin lah mantanya banyak.. haha

saya pikir keduanya penting untuk bisa dapet pasangan yang Ideal,.. Semoga.. :)

Someone can actually love you forever :)